The reality is that this new reality sucks. The anticipatory grief of what our new post pandemic world will look like pushes us down, and the anxiety of the pandemic itself spikes our hyper-vigilance. Not only do the things around me seem in turmoil, I feel the inner turmoil within myself.
At 2 weeks plus one day I am still choosing light. I actively look for it and practice gratitude. I continue to try and choose hope over despair, empathy over apathy and kindness over selfishness. I continue to adapt and connect with clients, some who will be able to pay me and some who will not. In the times when I am sad and feel the heaviness and reality of the situation I grieve all the lost dreams, I weep for the tragedies yet to come and let the pain of it all leave my body through my tears.
When I look at the life that I have at day 15 as opposed to day 0 of the pandemic it makes me sad. But, when I look at the life I have on day 15 in relation to the totality of my life I am happy. I choose a good partner, I love the work I do, I have great friends, and my kids love me. The psychological pandemic, the pandemic that it is affecting each of us can bring us to the breaking point at times; we question our value, our life choices and what we have accomplished. In the midst of those times, I encourage you to reach out, and connect. I also encourage you to remember that you are the only one that can control your thoughts, what you pay attention to and what you ignore. Although we cannot largely control the chaos outside of us, we can definitely work to calm the storm within. If you choose light, and continue to make that choice you will not regret it.
Alexandra Phillips - All Rights Reserved 2020
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