Recently, my family and I took a cruise vacation. We desperately needed relaxation and fun following a stressful month between Thanksgiving and Christmas. While on the cruise, my husband, a treasure trove of trivia and obscure knowledge, remarked that it was possible to see six miles toward the horizon before the earth starts to curve.

I recalled that observation one night as I stood on deck looking out at the great abyss of a black sea and a midnight sky. I could see nothing but water. There was water as far as my eye could see, and at the edge of my vision was where the earth curved. I couldn’t be sure this was scientifically true, but the idea of it blew my mind.

It’s a misconception that people hundreds of years ago believed the earth was flat, that once you went past a certain point you would literally fall off the earth. Nevertheless, there was a fear in the uncertainty of what lay beyond that horizon. If you traveled past that six miles you could see, would you find a new land, or forever be lost at sea? Those explorers of the 15th and 16th century who first set out across the ocean could be called brave or foolhardy or both. But everything we know now about the geography of the world comes from people who knew the risks, who expected hardships, but who sailed forth believing in their own strength and intelligence to conquer the unknown.

Likewise, personal growth and self-empowerment often mean venturing into uncharted waters, beyond the six miles the eye can see. Living fully means going beyond the limits of what is safe and predictable. You must believe there is a process and purpose for all the highs and lows.

Nothing makes me think more about those uncharted waters than when I am going through a difficult time.

We have all been through difficult times in our lives. When I was young, I believed life was happening to me. I was angry because I did not feel I was in control of my fate, my happiness, or my emotions. When bad things happened, I got angry and stayed angry. Eventually my emotions faded and time smoothed things over. But I never felt responsible for the changes or the results.

I was an adult when my mother was in intensive care, beginning the end of her life. I flew from Chicago to be by her side. I held vigil in the hospital for 10 -12 hours each day. For at least three days I sat there with my fear, my sadness and my smartphone. I scrolled through quotes on Pintrest looking for solace and comfort. Pain is not a new emotion. What wisdom could I gain from others? Then I came across a quote that changed the course of my life. “Adversity does not build character, it reveals it.” -James Lane Allen

My mother’s prognosis was bad, we all knew it. One of the doctors walked in, and in a very “Greys Anatomy” type moment, I looked up from my phone and said, “Want to hear the quote I read today?” I proceeded to tell him. We both looked at each other and acknowledged the power of the statement, and then he left. I sat back to think and absorb those words.

What did I want this particular adversity to reveal about my character? How could my behavior reflect that character trait? I made a conscious choice that I wanted this adversity to reveal my strength, courage, kindness and honesty. I wanted my behavior to show I was grateful and sought to walk and act gracefully. My motto: “Do no harm, but take no shit.”

As I got older and faced more challenges and hardships, as we all do in life, I made a conscious effort to make sure I learned from each experience. I tried to make sure that I used those hard times and crises as moments to define the person I wanted to be.

In the hard times of our life we have the choice to determine what adversity reveals about our character. We cannot stop bad things from happening. People die, get divorced, lose jobs, get sick and a myriad of other life things we cannot control. But while we can’t control some of the cycles of life, we can use them as springboards to grow and refine who we are or who we want to be. The hardest times of my life have been the times that I have grown the most. Those times when external forces shoved me beyond the six miles the eye could see and into the dark abyss of uncertainty have been life changing, but only because I chose to make them so.

Make no mistake, those times sucked. I have been angry and cried, been depressed and anxious, yet I always tried to believe that I would come out on the other end a better person if I used the pain wisely. As Buddha says, “Pain is inevitable.” It was my decision whether I would explore and expand as a result of pain, or suffer the hard knocks regardless but stay the same.

What has/or does adversity reveal about your character? Have there been times you were able to look past immediate pain or confusion to find a path toward personal growth?

© 2020 Alexandra Phillips - All Rights Reserved

Editor: Rebecca Cavanaugh